This isn’t love letter I’ll never sent.

How’s life, by the way? I miss you, in my own way.

I have no idea whats going on here, but I think this is my fault, misunderstanding or whatever we called it. Suddenly you touched my life,i know your name but we are not friends, and when you "come" dont lnow why I’m so happy feels like I’ve been waiting for that time, how can? I never thinking of you before not a little nor at all,and I admit that you're so hard to forget,stranger. Of course you don’t. You’re busy, too busy to bother me. Who am I anyway? :)

They said everything’s happened for a reason, although I cant find the reason why you came, why you left, why I’m being so fucking addicted to you, to our conversation, to your jokes, to our big different mindset, I’m too drama, you said innocent, and you’re too care about something I’ve never payed attention before. Government. You’ve opened my eyes, too much trouble in this land where we live. you make me think life is not always about ourself, our country in a serious damaged hahaha.

Actually I’m not that hurt. I wonder why, and I wonder about you too. Your life might be great and you don’t need me now, never. I wont talking about diffences between us here, we both know that. Everyone knows. No its not about that.

Sometimes I find myself staring at your picture on my bbm contacts, and wondering if I should text you or not. Always want to know what you’re doing, but too scared to ask. Wanting to text, but always ending up with confusion. Everyday I’m wondering why you never text me anymore which you did that almost everyday. But I do believe you stop it because a good reason to your own good. Never mind cause you’re never mine.

Maybe you’ll think why I didn’t do it first,I let myself die waiting. No.. texting you first means giving up.. I’m keeping this emotion I’m having to stay awesome. Like I’ve told you: I’m not hurt at all, even after you’re gone. We both know just because we’re avoiding each other doesn’t mean we hate each other. I did texted for birthday wish sorry for disturbing,darling.

This post must be silly to read. Pathetic. Cheesy, yes, but human. Too Drama. but something inside my heart tells me that I should write this. I still need time to be fine.. Sound cliche, but yes, time is still the best remedy. It heals the wound but it can’t do anything with the scar that left. Don’t be bothered too much by “moving on” thingy. After all, moving on is nothing but a conceptual state of mind. The feeling, the pain, and the loss will never really leave. Wait wait wait… I’m not that hurt. i'm not in love :")

Still want to read this or not? Its up to you. Well I know I’m naïve. Don’t know why I thought.. when we often having communication or something.. I can feel that you really into me, I’m not that stupid to realized it. Correct me if I’m wrong, so tell me, don’t you?

I know i can’t blame people for losing feeling. If they lose it, they lose it. It’s not hard to understand.or maybe you don’t have the feeling at all, maybe this is only me and my stupid thought. Maybe you found someone better or maybe like what Summer says to Tom (500 days of summer)

“I wake up one day and I just knew,what I was never sure of with you”.

People change, time flies, but the feeling stays. if you want to blame them for something, blame them for not trying. But I wont blame you.. its just you. I deserved better. :”)

I’m not saying it’s easy, no I’m not. Its hard to let someone that you thought…… well I know you’ll go but I think not this fast, not like this, without any goodbyes. We were fine, then suddenly you act like you don’t know me.. what did I do wrong?

Don’t worry, I’m going to be okay, I’ve been going through the same pain before, but not as hard as this sih yaaa.. every summer has a story :”)

Still reading this? Or wanna throw up in my face? Hehe. I need few more weeks to be fine.. so lets enjoy this mellow drama, because who knows? Tomorrow wont be the same.

Life is not easy. Sometimes it’s difficult to wake up in the morning knowing that the other side is empty, you’re not there. looking up contact list hoping I see your updates, and the less pathetic: re-reading your timeline. It gets harder everyday i can’t really do anything to get my mind off of it. I don’t
really know how long I can keep it up.

So there it goes, I tweet. I speak alone. A monologue. Sometimes I discard it without send it. Sometimes I recheck my timeline and go delete it.

But I’m not missing you I just miss the cute smile that I had everytime I saw your random text. But you’re no longer doing that. And I feel stupid sometimes.. I have so much words to say to you but too late to start to text you, so I tweet that but too scared to mention you.. and damn it, my nomention is you.

I was never really sure this is important to you, maybe you don’t remember this at all. One thing I can be sure of, it’s something I mustn’t regret. What we had, though short, was enough to be kept as one of the chapter in my book of love. The chapter where I learn how love grows without knowing why, when, how and from where. It grows and I let it grow, because I know no other way to stop it from growing.

I know you’re reading this. And I want you to know that I’m writing this for you.

Take care, and thankyou.

PS: i’ll never fall in love the same way. But, i will fall in love again :))

sleepover and girls day out

first of all. let me say .............. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZLIA DARA!!!!

hai bloggy. i'm going to tell you about what i did in 25th january night until 26th january.
sebenernya tanggal 25an itu gue lagi sakit, batuk, rada pilek sakit tenggorokan juga, dan makin sore makin kerasa demam dan agak sakit kepala.. di tambah lagi dengan well yeah sakit hati. hahahahaha



tapi demi janji persahabatan yang abadi *ngok* gue memutuskan untuk tetep pergi menginap ke rumah dara walaupun tanpa lola. jadi kita nginepnya cuma bertiga aja bareng fika.
gue "kabur" dari rumah jam setengah enaman di jemput dee dan kita jalan dulu pake baju tidur ngobrol dan yaaa curhat =_= hehehe. sebelum ke rumah dara gue minta anterin dee ke bread talk buat beli cake untuk dara. dan gue beli dua 1 cake doraemon 1 cake blackforest ukuran mini mini unyu gitu.

setelah fika ngabarin kalo dia di rumah dara gue langsung cabut kesana dianter dee. dan berkumpulah kita bertigaaaa!!! gue bawa tas gede elmo yg isinya laptop kacamata jeket dan.... alat make up. hahahaha dan bisa di bilang kita gagal make up deh liat aja hasil foto webcam eyeshadow meleber kemana mana.
selain make up an kita juga ketawa ketawa dan mengkepo jejaring sosial orang lain apadeeeh dan sebelum tidur kita foto-foto duluuuu sambil pegang kue buat dara, tapi fotonya gak pake jilbab jadi gausah di aplot aja ye.



bangun pagi masih ketawa ketiwi sarapan, fyi ini pertama kalinya gue nginep bareng mereka. dara ngajakin pergi makan siang tapi apalah daya gue gabawa baju dan ada janji mau ke kampus bareng ridho karena gue mau bimbingan dan dia mau legalisir ijazah kak adit. tapi janji tinggal janji gue batalin ke ridho karena revisi gue gak kelar gara-gara nginep bareng mereka percuma gue berat-berat bawa laptop *Sigh*
dan gue pulang di jemput ayat langsung beres beres rumah cuci piring dll, pokoknya akting jadi anak baik karena siangnya mau izin pergi lagi :P

siangnya dara fika kiki jemput gue ke rumaaaah. buat makan siang yang notabene di traktir dara asik! kita ke PH. rara, ola, kris langsung ketemu di tkp.
yaudah kita makan have fun ketawa tawa dan take puluhan foto yang gak bisa gue aplot semua disini. lalu pulang ke rumah masing masing. thankyou girls <3



if you got sick, your head, fever, or even heart.. just remember you have bestfriends, they are the best medicine. EVER! :))

Kepala Batu oleh : Michelle Vinca

Si kepala batu berjalan tak tahu malu
Seribu kali seribu kembali ke satu pintu
Kadang ia yang ditendang
Kadang ia yang menggelandang
Kadang ia memaksakan
Kadang ia dipersilahkan

Si kepala batu hanya tahu sesuatu
Tempat itulah rumahnya satu
Bangunan kecil sehangat mentari
Meski jutaan kali beri ia sakit hati

Si kepala batu tak menimbun dengki
Ia hanya takut hancur sendiri
Tak apa terluka sebelanga, katanya
Asal cinta tak lepas dari genggamnya
..Lagi. Sudah cukup tempo kali.

mungkin dia lelah

keras kepala sekali dia
mencoba bernegosiasi dengan Tuhannya
di sela sela isak tangis setelah sholatnya
lalu ia berzikir dengan merdu
mengucapkan lafal demi lafal berharap Tuhan setuju
segala puji ia panjatkan
dengan isi kepala berputar tak bertujuan
kurasa perempuan ini butuh imam
agar setan di kepalanya diam
kemudian dia membuka kitab
kebiasaan yang dijaganya tetap
membaca lembar demi lembar dengan terbata
menabung pahala untuk ditukar dengan apa yang dia pinta
huruf demi huruf itu begitu sulit dimengerti
tapi setiap hari selalu dia nikmati
belum puas juga dia diambilnya satu kitab lagi
kali ini berbahasa indonesia
lagi lagi dia mencoba memahami
satu persatu ayat dia baca
sambil melirik artinya
keras kepalanya perlahan hilang
oleh semua ayat yang dia baca berulang
dia tau dia salah
tapi belum mau pula dia menyerah
karena masih ada yang harus dia lawan
isi hatinya yang menyesatkan
yang sering kali tak mampu dia bantah
dan dengan bodohnya dia mengalah
kini disudut ini
setelah berhari hari
dia dilema tiada henti
dia berdiam diri
mencoba merapikan kekusutan pikiran
mencoba mengakhiri perdebatan
dia tak bisa lagi menangis
air matanya habis
yang dia lakukan hanya meringis lalu tertawa pelan
lelah sekali dia memperjuangkan
hingga akhirnya dia serahkan semua pada Tuhan

kepada jiwa jiwa yang selalu berusaha sendiri, jangan pernah menyerah ya :")

januari,sehabis magrib.

happy sunday

good morning :")
how was your sleep?
me, not that gooooooooood. i slept with mom she cant sleep, keep complained because not feeling well.
on this long week end i spend my time with sleeping all day long.
it heals the pain by the way :D
dont ask me what pain is, i cant answer it i dont even know. *Sigh*
envy-ing those people who have so much activity. so different with me i just wanna lay in my bed.
anyway holiday is coming!
not excited *yawn*
the weather is hot hmmm dont really like it, hope it will be rain soon!
happy sunday people, we're blessed.

#SuratCinta 8 : Menunggu Reda.

selamat siang, kamu.

ini cerita tentang kemarin senja.
aku tertidur pulas di kasur ibu. kurasa belum sampai satu jam tapi saat kulihat sudah jam enam.
PAGI? teriakku dalam hati. syukurlah. aku berhasil melewati malam.
ku toleh kiri kanan, baru sadar ternyata hujan.
sejenak kupandang cermin.
"kusut sekali, kau belum tidur sejak dua hari" ku kasihani diri sendiri.
kembali kuhempaskan tubuhku.
ini belum pagi.
sayup sayup kudengar alunan ayat di mesjid.
kedekap guling, kupejam mata. kata mereka berdoa dikala hujan akan dikabulkan Tuhan.
sibuk aku bergumam, mencari kata-kata yang pas untuk membujuk Dia yang diatas sana.
dengan ragu kuutarakan inginku. aku meyakininya dengan pasti. hingga nyaris menjerumuskan keyakinanku sendiri.
kugerakan tanganku pelan, menadahkan, lalu bergerak pelan menggenggam.
cara berdoa macam apa?
sesak dadaku tiba-tiba.
masih saja hujan diluar sana. deras sekali.
apa yang salah dengan kita?
lama aku diam. naif memang.
kurasa bukan itu alasannya.
mungkin memang keinginanmu tak sehebat semula. atau aku yang terlalu perasa. begitu cepat kubiarkan kau masuk. terlalu gembira hingga lupa menutup pintu.
saat kau rasa di dalam tak nyaman dan membosankan semudah itu pula kau melesat keluar dan aku hanya mampu menatap nanar.
aku bukan lupa menutup pintu, aku memang sengaja membukanya, aku pasti akan mempersilahkanmu pergi tapi tentu tidak secepat ini.
"sudahlah sesak ini hanya sementara" kutenangkan sendiri resahku.
samar samar ku dengar suara adzan, sebelum berdiri mengambil wudhu, dalam rebahku ku pandangi secuil kenangan di chatbox, pelan ku bisikan namamu lalu sambil menyeka sedikit genangan air di sudut mata "aku rindu.."

please stop criticizing insulting and judging other people.

you may say i'm too drama, wait until you feel this and get karma :)